A letter to the FA
Dear Messer’s Clarke and Glenn
It’s been a tough twenty-four hours hasn’t it? I can’t imagine what it would be like to see your ‘chosen one’ behave in such a foolish way so soon after you plucked him out as the right fit for your role. A sad day indeed. Well, I’ve had a tough twenty-four years. Twenty four years of watching team after team, captain after captain, manager after manager, disappoint so miserably. And not just disappoint; full on failure. We’ve had great players, great teams and great chances even in my short twenty four years and every single time we get it wrong.
Every two years there is an inquest and investigation into what happened? What went wrong? We get fallout that spills on for days and days about the lack of English players playing at the top level; young players being coached incorrectly; English managers not being good enough. They may be factors. But the hard honest truth is, simply, the players do not play for the shirt they are wearing. Three lions on the shirt, but three pussycats in it. I’m not accusing players of not wanting to represent their country, although some not even singing the national anthem does stink of bad attitude. I’m not even accusing them of not giving 100% effort, because it would be wrong to paint them with that brush. I’m talking about passion. I’m talking about pride. I’m talking about not just wanting to play for England the football side, but wanting to play for England the country. To represent all 60 million of us. To represent one of the most passionate fan bases anywhere in the world. To represent the home of football.
Jose Mourinho this week called fans and pundits ‘Einstein’s’, because we all think we know better. And maybe he’s right. We all think we could do it better. Well maybe some of us could. We all have knowledge of football. We all watch it 7days a week as it floods our televisions. We can all spot talent and recognise skill and know who’s adding to a game and who isn’t.
So when you begin your search for the next manager, don’t focus on the skills or experience. Don’t focus on the reputation or the size of clubs they’ve managed. Don’t even focus on the style of football they play. All we want is a manager who instils passion and pride. A manager who isn’t afraid of picking a team that works rather than the eleven most high profile players. A manager who would manage for free it they had to because that’s how much it means to him or her to manage the England side. Choose someone who isn’t going to behave irresponsibly on or off the pitch. Choose someone who will pour everything in to making it work. Choose someone who will surround himself with good honest people and build a side on hard work and commitment to the badge. Choose me.
I could do all of that. I could talk to the players about what it’s like to be on £20,000 a year, not £20,000 a week. I could talk to them about what it’s like to watch an England side perennially go to tournaments and underperform and how it feels to be sat at home watching the rest of the tournament while they enjoy a holiday. I could talk to them about working in an office 9 to 5 rather than doing two hours training each day. I could tell them they’re overprivileged, overpaid, and overrated. I don’t care. They don’t know me
I know this isn’t your fault. I know this is a multiplication of failures that is snowballing into the storm of awfulness that we see every two years. But you are the people who could put it right. Get in someone like me who will give these players the culture shock they need. Go back to the drawing board. Start again. Start with a clean state. Show the world we are not afraid. We mean business. We are here to win. We are passionate. We are proud. WE ARE ENGLAND.
Timed Out
My brother had a row with Mike Atherton
On the 8:29 to Paddington
In the buffet carriage. Car K.
It wasn’t about cricket or his latest column in The Times.
It was over the last cheese and tomato sandwich.
“I was here first,” said Athers.
“You’re in First Class. You get a buffet cart!”
“First Class? I don’t play cricket anymore,” joked Athers.
They continued for 12 minutes and 32 seconds.
My brother, poor and hungry, and a Yorkshire fan said
“I’d rather have a pint with Geoffrey Boycott.”
Michael Atherton laughed.
But neither could buy the last cheese and tomato sandwich
Because the girl from Car C, seat 16 had snuck in
And bought it while they argued.
An Open Letter to The England Cricket Team
To My Love
For three weeks I have been glued to my television. I have watched you with anticipation and excitement, through joy and drama, from ecstasy to despair. I have watched you ply your trade with high quality skills; watched you play with pride and passion; watched you modest in victory and humble in defeat.
It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions. I have felt things I hadn’t felt in a long time watching an England side in any World Competition. In any sport. My heart has gone through the ringer. It’s beat more heartbeats in three weeks of watching you, then it had for any of the twenty four years I have walked this Earth. I’ve felt it swell and fill my chest with the elation of a glorious triumph. I’ve felt it drop to the pit of my stomach with agonising defeat. I’ve felt the thump of the thrill against my chest and the drum of disaster reverberate inside me. But I’ve felt it. You’ve made me feel it. You’ve made me aware of my heart. A heart I thought I had lost. A heart that had deserted me after a difficult period in my life. A heart that had shrunk and shrivelled to a lifeless shell.
You have made me fall in love with sport again. You have made me fall in love with life again. You have given me three weeks of the hysteria that sport can bring. That hysteria that I had watching sport as a child, and hadn’t felt in many years as I stumbled into an adult life where time constraints, confusion and life’s restrictions had haunted me. Not that I had ever lost sport. Or stopped watching it. Or stopped loving it. Well I didn’t think so. You made me realise that I had.
So Thank You England Cricket. Thank you for reigniting my love for you. My love for sport. My love for my life. Thank you for playing your sport with vigour, fun and a damn load of heart. Thank you for teaching me that life has so much more to it than insignificant worries and unsubstantial cares. Thank you for giving me an escape. Thank you for making me proud, passionate and privileged to be English. Because I am proud to have you represent my country. I am passionate about your efforts throughout the tournament. And I am privileged to watch this young English side perform so well against the odds.
Thank you.
England’s Signs of Growth
In fertile land, a seed will sprout, germinate and grow into a fully-fledged, strong and mature offering until it is ready to come to fruition and harvest. With the right mix of nutrients, water and sunlight, the plant will burgeon from its small, humble beginnings as that meagre seed and transform into mighty vegetation.
England’s new look limited overs side is much like that seed. It has begun to show early signs of germination, sprouting and growth. It has demonstrated qualities that allow us to believe it will blossom. But of course seeds do not grow in insolation; there is still some way to go until that prospering seedling is competing for sunlight with the mighty oak trees of ODI cricket that have been blossoming for years and which surround it.
England’s roots lie, rather ironically, in he of the same name… Joe Root. He has established himself as England’s most valuable player with an important role in all three formats. He is fast becoming an England great with an ability to score tough runs under pressure, or imaginative, creative scores under a freer environment. Technically sound and mentally mature, Root is the foundations that England can continue to grow around.
The stem of England’s success in the most recent series against a sturdy sapling of a New Zealand side was its approach and mind-set. For some time we have seen the other seedlings, those around England, grow much more strongly and quicker than the English seed because of their ability to adapt to the environment around them. An attacking philosophy towards the new two-ball and powerplay regulated format, has seen sides regularly score in excess of 320 while England were left lingering in the shadows of the forest. But something has changed. England have started to evolve, started to adapt, started to mould itself on a similar philosophy and began to shoot much more rigidly from its roots. A lot of this is down to captain Morgan and interim coach Paul Farbrace who have poured water and nutrition on England’s sprouts and allowed it to bloom.
But to continue to grow and to challenge those around it, the England flower must continue to steal sunlight and continue to pinch nutrients and continue to adapt. New coach Trevor Bayliss will help with this, bringing in new ideas; the leaves that will catch the rays of sun and droplets of water it needs to photosynthesise and persist in energising itself. Bayliss will have been pleased with what he saw from England in that New Zealand ODI series and will want to see that continue. He may bring with him a new training programme or mental approach, but don’t expect many changes in England’s playing personnel immediately. And why would we? It was a tremendous effort and a terrific win from all those players involved.
With perennial and cyclical germination, the England seed can emerge as mighty as those plants that tower high in the canopy layer above it. But the process is a long one. Seeds do not become trees overnight; do not bear fruit all year round; do not always stave off predators. England must continue to be nurtured and managed in the right way so that when the dry season comes, and the water is hard to obtain, and growth is limited, it remains sturdy and does not shrivel back onto the dark, damp forest floor where they fell at the 2015 World Cup. And if all remains healthy and conditions remain yield-worthy, perhaps that England seed will one day become a mighty oak itself, and the fruition of an ICC 50-over tournament success may not seem so many seasons away.
Don’t Hurry To Criticise Murray
At the turn of the Century, the British public bemoaned the perennial ‘failings’ of the country’s number one player; cursed their luck at having to sit through and watch ‘torturous’ tennis; criticised the ability of someone deemed to be a ‘loser’, a ‘choker’, a ‘disappointment’. And by ‘loser’, ‘choker’ and ‘disappointment’ we are talking about a man who reached a career high ranking of 4 in the world, won 11 career titles and $11million in prize money, and reached 6 career Grand Slam semi-finals, all the while carrying the weight of the hopes and dreams of an entire nation on his shoulders. Loser. Choker. Disappointment. Failure.
Fast forward to 2015, past the retirement of Tiger Tim and into the so called Golden Era of tennis where the royalty of Federer, Nadal and Djokovic laud over the sport of tennis like roman emperors on guard in the Coliseum ready to decide their opponents fate. Into the era of a new British number one. Into the era of a new ‘hero’. But this modern day gladiator is even more of a ‘failure’.
Ignore his 2 Grand Slam titles. Ignore his career high ranking of 2 in the world. Ignore his 33 career titles and $37million in prize money. Ignore the fact he was the first British male winner of a Grand Slam in 76 years and first to win Wimbledon in 77 years. Ignore his Olympic Gold medal. Ignore his part in taking Great Britain back the World Group in the Davis Cup. Loser. Choker. Disappointment. Failure.
And why? Because he managed to lose in 6 other Grand Slam finals? Because he managed to lose in those finals to some of the greatest players to have ever picked up a racquet? Because his overall record against those greats is not good enough? Because he doesn’t win every single match he plays? Because he’s human?!
Sports fans can be very fickle and myopic. Sometimes they fail to see the bigger, whole picture. They are too quick to moan about a single defeat, a single failing, a single momentary lapse. Andy Murray is one of Britain’s greatest sportsmen of all time. Look at his achievements. Look at what has done to rejuvenate British tennis. Look at his ability as a tennis player. He is magnificent. Coming up short against Federer, Nadal and Djokovic does not make him a bad player. Or a loser. Or choker. Or disappointment. Reading through articles and comments across the media after Murray’s recent French Open semi-final defeat, you would think he was knocked out first round. To a qualifier. In straight sets. And went pointless in each. Tim Henman wasn’t a failure. Andy Murray certainly isn’t a failure. The only failures are those sitting at home criticising, moaning, getting aggrieved at the slight mishaps of some fine athletes with skills they could only dream of.
Don’t hurry to criticise Andy Murray. In fact, don’t criticise him at all. He is a Great Briton. Remember that. Not a loser. Not a choker. Not a disappointment. Not a failure. Not at all.
LVG United Jigsaw Starting to Click Into Place
It’s taken a while. It’s taken humiliating defeats at the hands of lower league opposition in the Carling Cup and an agonising home failure in the FA Cup against Arsenal. It’s taken months of under par, unexciting and uninspiring performances. It’s taken the switching of systems, swapping of starting elevens, and transferal of tactics. But finally, Manchester United are beginning to click, beginning to perform, beginning to look like a top four side once more.
It was a disconcerting first half of the season. Results were decent, but performances were destitute. Individuals were sublime, but collectively substandard. Recent performances though have given United fans renewed belief. Van Gaal always needed time; time that his predecessor Moyes didn’t get last season. And another summer spending spree looks set to take place. And is needed. But the sudden gelling of United’s side and purple patch of form couldn’t have come at a better time, with competition for Champions League places getting heavier.
It is credit to Van Gaal, labelled as somewhat of a tactical genius before taking up the reigns at Old Trafford, that his persistence to find the perfect system for his players came whilst still picking up important wins. Wayne Rooney’s reinsertion up top rather than his earlier exertions in midfield have proved pivotal. His general movement and quality in front of goal were wasted earlier in the season and his current run of goals has helped propel United. The return of Michael Carrick has been a huge benefit to United’s midfield as well. His reading of the game has sured up his side’s defensive play that looked much shakier previously. His partnership with Herrera and Mata ahead of him was exceptional in the wins against Tottenham and Liverpool and the link play through the middle along with Fellaini and Rooney has been nothing short of excellent. Intricate, accurate passes in short spaces and movement within tiny triangles that caught the opposition off guard and on their heels. Seemingly out of nowhere United have a side with a swagger that hadn’t been apparent since ‘you know who’ left. Suddenly United have pace in attack and quick pressing in defence. Suddenly they look like a Champions League quality side again. They play with a renewed purpose. They play with accuracy and precision. They play with style. All things that were lacking prior to Christmas.
United have look far more assured with four at the back and Carrick in defensive midfield, than they did in the oft played 3-5-2 that Van Gaal favoured when he first came in charge. Herrera and Mata, who seemed to be out of LVG’s plans for large parts of the season, now seem to be central to them. The passing and creative ability now available in the middle of the park is far superior to anything United had showed before. And with the quality available on the bench, Manchester United fans can begin to buy into the Van Gaal revolution. Begin to believe they are not too far away. Begin to dream of Champions League nights and Wembley away days. The jigsaw that has looked much disjointed all season has begun to click into place and I for one, have started enjoying watching United again. And who knows, maybe fourth place is not the glass ceiling. Maybe the jigsaw is only just starting. Maybe those above them should be worried. Congratulations Louis Van Gaal; you are the puzzle master. Keep piecing it together.
England G-Eoin Places At Last, But Still Room For Much Moores
Embarrassed in Australia. Humbled at home to India. Second best in Sri Lanka. 2014 was a forgettable twelve months of One Day International cricket for England. An annum confined to the archives of history filed under D for disaster; then torn, burned and buried alongside folders labelled ‘Mood Hoover’ and ‘Kevin Who?’ But what’s worse for the Three Lions is that 2014 was not an anomaly or statistical outlier. 2014 was a continuation of past patterns; a familiar story. It has long been an annoying obstacle that England have not been able to truly clear, perhaps due to the myopia on Test Cricket or perhaps due to the inability to produce English-style cricket on foreign shores. But if there is always light at the end of the tunnel, England’s has come in the tricolour of green, white and orange. After a year of rebuilding, changing coach and a struggling Alastair Cook, England’s Irish-born Eoin Morgan has taken up the helm and brings new belief and optimism going into the World Cup.
Indeed, there are still problems, still questions to be answered, still much more to improve on but in just three games since Morgan’s appointment, England already look to be on the way up. He is not the mildly mad professor mind of Brendon McCullum, but he is tactically creative. Under Cook, England were rigid and refused to remove themselves from readymade remedies. Morgan is not afraid to change his bowlers early and use a wider range of attacking options. Nor is he the ultra-conservative command that Cook was perceived to be. Eoin has shown weakness and naivety but is still learning as a captain and his ship has a long way to sail through rough waters before it is back on calmer sea. Moores has to take on a lot of the responsibility too. Great sides have great partnerships in charge and the relationship and interconnectivity between captain and coach is essential. It is Moores’ job to ensure the players know everything they need to before they take to the field, and Morgan’s job to relay this within the boundaries during play.
As a batsman he is innovative and unique. As a person he is humble and realistic. As a captain we hope he can be all of the above and reflect his personality on his side. Of course, much relies on his support from individual performances and contributions. Morgan hasn’t yet been able to have a full say on who he wants in his eleven, but the players at his disposal for the World Cup are exceptionally talented. So far on tour Ian Bell has been in outstanding form with Ali, Taylor and Root also looking in good touch. On the bowling side, Finn looks to have resurged to somewhere close to his best while Woakes looks to be a very good addition and in Anderson and Broad England have dependability and experience. Add to that the finishing ability of Buttler, Bopara and Morgan himself and England do have the qualities to succeed. Getting all the parts to fit together and then producing for as much of the 100 overs as possible, that is the challenge for this England side. In the current triseries we have seen, good opening stands followed by small collapses and closing overs stagnation. We have seen quick bursts of wicket taking spells followed by wide, untesting lines. It must be a complete package to win the World Cup.
Yet, England do have a chance. It was always a slim one with the quality in the opposition sides and the frailties the England sides have shown. But it is not the subcontinent. Not conditions designed for mystery spin or uneven bounce. No huge pressure or expectations weighing down on them. No ‘disruptive influences’ within the dressing room that we know of. There is a chance. England are on an upward curve, improving slowly but surely. Winning this World Cup may be a huge leap for this side at the moment. But they are capable of something. Sometimes it is the tortoise that wins the race.
Cricket World Cup 2015 in 140 Characters… Each
Australia
Good form, powerful players and home advantage. Tough to look past the 4-time winners going all the way again. #Potential
India
Limited overs specialists; creative and big hitting. A lot of players who can be match winners. Might not like the bounce in Oz.
South Africa
Perennial chokers on big stage but some of world’s best amongst ranks. Need AB, Amla, Du Plessis on top form to factor. Bowling exceptional.
Sri Lanka
Experienced batsman looking for last hurrah, but seam bowling attack may not be good enough. Probably fall just short. #NeedAGuardianAngelo
England
Still have very little idea how to construct an ODI innings and will have a new captain in charge. Should scrape through the group.
New Zealand
Home advantage and always do well. Good mix of styles and decent attack. Expect them to be there or there about come the Final. #Kiwinners?
Pakistan
Gone well recently but on flat pitches in UAE. Like the big stage. Too inconsistent to win but semis are plausible. #BeAfridiBeVeryAfridi
West Indies
Far better at limited overs than Test but which players will show? Contract disputes may disrupt them. Dangerous order but pace attack weak.
Bangladesh
Will be hoping to beat Scotland and Afghanistan and may cause an upset somewhere else to sneak past England into fourth. Unlikely.
Zimbabwe
In the tougher Pool B and will have to battle only for pride. Fifth in group if they can beat Ireland. #ZimNoWay
Afghanistan
Done well to qualify and climb the ODI rankings in recent years. Will be happy with one win with Scotland the most likely victory.
Ireland
Proved they love spotlight but need O’Brien brothers to fire to relive famous England victory from 2011 WC. Slim chance of fourth in group.
Scotland
Will be up for England game but not enough quality to create a stir. Battle with Afghanistan not to get the wooden spoon. #StirYourPorridge
UAE
Making up the numbers. Won’t trouble anybody. #ThanksForComing
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mario?
Much has been said about the performances, or lack of, from Mario Balotelli since his return to the Premier League with Liverpool. His return of just one goal in eight games for a striker of his potential is nothing to write home about. But considering the growing unrest amongst Liverpool fans and questioning from the English media, perhaps Mario should write home just to get some love and support, because that’s the only place he’s going to get it. Who knows, maybe even the Balotelli’s senior have switched off in the face of such uninspiring, dire and passionless attempts from the man dubbed Super Mario.
It seemed as if Liverpool had bagged somewhat of a bargain in the face of the current transfer market when they signed Balotelli at the start the season for a relatively insignificant £16million, having just received £75million for Luis Suarez. It was always going to be a hard act to follow. Suarez was an inspiration. He had pace that would leave defenders in his wake, and his ability with ball at feet was exceptional. Brendan Rodgers’ style of football certainly benefitted from having a player of Suarez’s skill in the attacking third, weaving through the lines expertly; getting defenders running at their own goals; and, scoring for fun. Balotelli is a different sort of striker. He too has incredible skill when on the ball and he possesses more power than the smaller, quicker Suarez. But he’s not a striker who finds gaps and runs onto intricate through balls as often as Suarez did. Liverpool have to adapt somewhat to get Balotelli into the game. They have to be prepared to get more balls in the box for Balotelli to hold up, turn and link up with the likes of Sterling and Coutinho around him. But the major worry for the Anfield side is the lack of desire and intent from Balotelli.
He has always been a stroppy teenager in an adult’s body. Riled easily, quick to drift out of games, and ambles around with head bowed when he is not getting his way. It’s very easy to play against. A word in his ear here, and a few knocks and kicks to the body there and Balotelli becomes less Super Mario, more Toad. Perhaps it was something Liverpool thought he had matured out of. Evidently not. He strikes a sorry figure each time he takes to the field in the Liverpool red. Yes, he needs time to adjust and yes, he needs goals to raise his confidence and start to show off his obvious potential again. But sometimes you have to work hard and put more in to get something out. Mario, to the spectator’s eye at least, doesn’t seem to want to do that. His runs are lacklustre; his passes half-hearted; and his shots desperate. He is the stereotypical footballer who had too much too young and doesn’t look as if he’s bothered anymore. Maybe that’s harsh. I’m sure that is not true. But that is how it looks.
Perhaps the only way to solve a problem like Mario is to get him to enjoy himself again. Treat him like he wants to be treated; like the child his inner-self is dying to let out. Give him a bib that fits. Let him play with fireworks. Let him trade shirts during the match if he wants. If it’s what Mario needs to get back to the defence terrorising player he could be, then let him do it. As a non-Liverpool fan it is fun to watch him struggle. As a football fan, it isn’t. Come on Super Mario, Princess Peach needs you.
Ashes Winners to Burnt Embers: The Worst England Team for a Decade
Low on confidence, low on form and low on results; this is the worst England side for over 10 years. No leadership, no performances from experienced players, no balance to the eleven and no tactical nous. The questions run deep and England are in desperate need of answers.
Cook is the stem of the problems; the route of all England’s evils. A captain that leads by example with the bat rather than tactical prowess, Cook’s 27 innings without a Test hundred are devastatingly damaging. It sets a negative tone that permeates throughout the whole dressing room. It puts England on the back foot right from the off with an early wicket. It scrambles Cook’s mind so much thinking about his poor form, his captaincy suffers even more. He doesn’t know where to turn when plans aren’t working and is a culprit of following the ball; reactive rather than proactive. But as much as Cook struggles seem to dominate, his lack of support from other senior players is equally distressing.
Matt Prior seems to be creaking more with each game and his wicket keeping is rapidly deteriorating. His susceptibly to the short ball when batting is alarming too and since his match saving hundred in New Zealand, he has been at the heart of many of England’s recent collapses. Perhaps even more concerning is the baron year from James Anderson, not in the wickets and statistics sense, but certainly in the performance column. His 10-wicket match at Trent Bridge in the 2013 Ashes in England seems a lifetime ago. His lengths have dropped shockingly short and he is not the same terrorising swing bowler he was when England reached number one in the world just a few years ago. Without their talismanic lead bowler on song, England’s attack looks blunt and incapable of causing problems for anyone. Being outbowled in ‘home’ conditions by both Sri Lanka and now India is nowhere near good enough. Admittedly, some of the English pitches have not seen typical English conditions, but it has still been disappointing, especially the most recent Test defeat to India at Lords on a greentop.
England are at a “low ebb” despite what Giles Clarke says. Changes are needed. Cook is not working as captain and at the very least needs a break to sort out his batting form and his skills as a captain. The England selectors need to have an honest look at the old guard, the likes of Prior and Anderson, and decide whether this slump in form is exactly that, a slump, or whether it is a more permanent depreciation. David Saker has to take some flak as well. One of the only coaches to keep his place from the Andy Flower regime, but England’s bowling has been as equally abysmal as the batting and Saker has to take responsibility for that.
England need a new, more proactive captain; need to be brave in selecting younger players when they are performing better than the more experienced ones; and need a whole new, less conservative attitude on playing and winning Test matches. It was a good run while it lasted, but after 4 Ashes series wins in 5, this current England look more like burnt embers than Ashes winners. England need changes and it starts from the top.
ChattaBox 
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